There is no ‘I Want’

I want to go back in time.
I want to change karma.
I want to touch Simon’s crest sticking up because he put sugar and water (we were all broke and being punk started and pretty much ended in the kitchen).
I want to look in the mirror and see hope, without having to close my eyes.
I want to play with Ali, Samah and Mohamed and the dogs in Sanaá and drive to Big Sur just like that day with Kris.
I want to read The God of Small Things without knowing I would read it again, three times.
I want to land in New York and see the Twin Towers and know I could not be anywhere else.
I want to see Sausalito with the same light and go back to school with totally different teachers.
I want to be in Damascus at night, with Yahia, and take that same walk just at the beginning of the revolution, with that dim hope that things would not degenerate.
That hope is gone.
I want to re-meet people and have that sparkle light my eyes, just like then.
I want to listen to Claudio telling me again the long story of his trip Milan-Kabul on a Fiat 127.
Countries are closed, wars have vomited onto us, people have moved on, perhaps to other planets.
I want that red telephone/address guide I had in my twenties and now is molding in a box I will never get back.
I want to cancel choices, deaths, accidents, wars.
I want to enter City Lights Bookstore in S. Francisco and talk about Bakunin and buy tons of books like we did that Sunday morning.
I want to remember the things I happened to forget and be with Anna prior to her cancer because I did not say goodbye to her.
I want to apologise less and smile more but I need to apologise with Fausto because I treated him harshly.
I want to listen to Joe Jackson with the same intensity of the time.
I want to believe less the words I am told because I never learn to accept the discrepancy between words and deeds.
I want to open my eyes.


I want to change karma, for a day, and see how it feels.
Fact is there is no ‘I want` most of the times.

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8 thoughts on “There is no ‘I Want’

  1. UNFORTUNATELY…….
    The lessons learned throughout a lifetime aren’t learned during the first few moments after birth. If only those who bring us into this world had the wisdom and the knowledge to teach us the art of being alive in a living world, there would not be a world of yearning to go back to set the wrong things straight.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. There is no “If only we knew” how to master the art of living to be our best ‘us’.
        We, people that is, know exactly what to do to be our best ‘us’ e.g. as individuals with a set of gifted capabilities that in turn become an integral part of the society at large. Such individual assets enrich the diversity in a community on the whole which in turn becomes a self generating exponential growth component where capabilities, skills, ingenuity, knowledge, understanding and common sense continue to reach greater heights every day.

        In the society as it is today, the concept of living and actually being alive is barricaded by wars, industrialization, banking institutions, false governments, false consumer economy saturated with worthless products and over production, false commercialism, sensationalism, indoctrination, conditioning, oppressive regimes and suppression of truth, knowledge, and individual development as early as of the first institutionalized learning days.

        The notion that young people MUST study to obtain pointless University degrees as opposed to choosing to follow the path of their instinctive personal capabilities is a clear indication of social conditioning. The irony is that the society as a whole does such conditioning to itself, its offspring, its peers etc. as a mundane subconscious routine. The notion that young people MUST serve their country, religion or any other control ideology as (misled) patriotic servicemen and women e.g. soldiers e.g. missile fodder and suicidal killers for none other than a bunch of deranged power obsessed people posing as “authorities” is the greatest of all utterly deplorable, disgusting, despicable means to keep people from developing into intelligent human beings and consequent assets to society on the whole as a result.

        The truth is out there, in the maze of every day life anywhere at all. One look at the endless rows of mass produced supermarket factory “products” alone would give a sane person the shivers. The path to a healthy state of being begins in fertile organic soil, not in laboratory chemicals saturated poison sold as “food” in supermarkets and fast “food” chains. And while it is said that cannibalism is a thing of the past, look into the eyes of any animal about to be slaughtered and ask yourself if cannibalism is really a thing of the past – different words and different excuses for the same thing does not make it different. Without the will to change, there will always be wars, there will always be slavery, there will always be intolerable suffering, infinitely.

        Bob Oort, WORLD PEACE EMBASSY administrator
        https://www.facebook.com/groups/WorldpeaceEmbassy

        Liked by 2 people

      2. On a universal basis, I can only agree. On a personal basis, not so much. I would have not made all the mistakes I made in life, Bob.
        I have been anti-war shivering at the thought of wars as precautionary measure/in response to/as self defense.
        I have always been against animals, people’s exploitation just to mention a couple of topics.
        Have this helped me not making mistakes and living a life I would not change? I don’t think so.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know what to say. I have neglected blogging and kept away from everything for months often thinking about you and your work.
      I think I have an additional reason to stay now and restart writing and reading, learning from you.
      Be blessed and continue to shine. xox And thank you for your words

      Liked by 1 person

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